I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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