I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
my being single is dangerous.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
