If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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