im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We left the knife in your bed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
