How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Randomize
