I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
