the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
