I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
