Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
