you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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