I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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