I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
