Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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