Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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