that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
