Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
