I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
