if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
