if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
