remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
