i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
