you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
