This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
