Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
