theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
