my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She told me I should be a condom model.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
