he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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