Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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