Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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