We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
