Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
