My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
