did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
