he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
No more Irish car bombs ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Found your dick twin last night
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
