I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
try to milk me bitch
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
