she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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