dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
