That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
