good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
