Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
so that wasnt chicken after all
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
