I'm really into asian looking animals
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Then you guys just all showered together...?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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