Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
