She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have post one night stand depression
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