Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Someone shattered a urinal.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
