I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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