i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
