ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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