history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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