insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
