you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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