I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
