U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
