he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
