if i can run in heels then i can drive
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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