the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
